Neocat jokesYou might well form the opinion from the many true stories told on this website that Neocats are definitely not funny.
Through this page, inspired by Community member Anne H., Church Mouse hopes to set the record straight.
If you would like to contribute, please send your jokes to the Church Mouse at .
Q & A
Q. How many Neocats does it take to change a light bulb?
A. It's not for us to say - ask the Parish Priest.
Q. How many Neocat Priests does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None - they hate change and prefer to stay in the dark.
Q. What is the difference between intelligence and ignorance?
A. I don't know and I don't care!
Definitions
Neocatatonic: how one feels after sitting through another Neocat "sermon".
Neocatnap: means of avoiding neocatatonia.
Neocategory: classification used by Neocats to divide a community into us and them.
Neocatabolism: process of breaking down a community through delivery of a sermon.
Neocatafalque: platform from which deadly boring sermons are delivered: thought by Neocats to imbue them with life-like characteristics.
Neocatlike: tunnel vision, lacking in subtlety.
Neocatspaw: digit raised by Neocats as form of abuse of congregation.
Neocatholicism: I am the p p p p parish priest.
The one true faith
A man dies, goes to heaven, and meets St. Peter, who gives him a tour pointing out the different areas occupied by souls of various faiths.
"Over there ", says St. Peter, "are the Episcopalians, and over there the Lutherans. Over there are the Jews, and there are the Muslims. Over there are the Hindus."
Finally, before they get to the next group, St. Peter says "Now be very quiet as we pass this lot. Those are the Neocats, they think they're the only ones here."
Neocat Heart and Brain
• Made in Madrid 1965
• As new condition
• Suitable for transplant
• Never used
Contact: Neocataclysmic House, Redfern, Sydney Australia
Aboriginal jokes
In response to a guest's curious request for some Aboriginal Jokes by way of introducing "some balance", here are a couple - possibly not quite what our guest had in mind ...
In Phillip Noyce's first feature film, Backroads (1977), one of the first Australian films to have indigenous collaboration, Bill Hunter's character, Jack, stops to ask directions from a blackfella sitting by the road. "Hey Jackie, can I take this road to the pub?"
"You might as well, you white bastard. You took everything else."
Three didj players are stranded on an island. One is Aboriginal. The first thing they do is look for hollow logs. They find messmate striplings eaten out by termites, and cut them down with whoops of joy.
The Aborigine does some strange things to his stems, and the other two frown at him, perplexed and slightly embarrassed for him. After a while the two gubbas laugh at him and jeer. "He hasn't even taken the bark off... it's full of cracks... and how is that going to play with one end still blocked!" and so forth.
The three continue with their crafting. After an hour or so, the two gubbas make a fire and paint themselves with clay. They sit opposite each other at the fire, and with much solemnity, begin to play.
While they are playing, the Aboriginal fella takes the eel traps he has made and sets them in the creek.
Show love Written by Guest on 2006-12-18 23:05:30Fellow Christians,
Is this the way Christ would show love to the Neocats by ridicule? Certainly not. Think on this, if you are not doing the work of Christ, whose work are you doing?
Matthew 5:9 "Blessed are the peacemakers,for they will be called sons of God."
You do the chuch no good by these inflamatory comments but stir up hate and distrust, the opposite of peace.
God bless, Hugh Girod Western Australia
Ben Written by Guest on 2006-12-19 05:07:19Indeed, the comments made about the Neocats may be inflammatory. However, the divisiveness created by this group can regarded as cancerous, i.e. damaging, and ultimately un-Christlike. It is quite evident that Jesus did not cop an unquestioned Jewish theology; for him it needed to be alive and relevant. With the overarching protection of the Metropolitan, how else can the Neocats be brought to account? Safe answers might feel nice and comfortable, but are they relevant?
Hannah Smith Written by Guest on 2006-12-19 23:23:32In the photos section is on display a photo of the founders of the Neocatechumenal Way with the Holy Father John Paul II, and the caption is, "the perpertrators of the neocatechumenal way and gullible others". I am presuming you mean the Holy Father. How Catholic of you. OH yes indeed you are loyal to the magisterium, loyal to the holy father, loyal to the Catholic Church. OH indeed you are loyal.
Neocat Jokes etc Written by Guest on 2007-01-10 17:18:34Whilst I agree that the Neocats have handled the situation at Redfern very badly (and are too a large degree responsible for the situation), I also feel that fighting fire with fire is only making matters worse. No one responds well to being ridiculed and humiliated and that is not the Christian way. Although I understand that much pain has been caused, I also suggest that lines of communication should be left open in a gracious, non-combatitive way. Yours in Christ Anna
Lorraine Written by Guest on 2007-02-25 00:40:46I often log into this web page and, over the months, have been trying to come to some understanding of the issues. However, I have to say, until now, I have only read one side of the argument which is getting nastier and nastier. It saddens me to read the offensive and rude retorts aimed at the Neo-Cats. I am not a neo-cat, however, I have to say, there is something in the way they don't seems to respond, that makes their way a way of peace and reconciliation which is so valued by the contributors of this journal!
Some balance... Written by Guest on 2007-03-24 17:49:48Your section on Kiko's Kooks might prove humorous if there was a similar section committed to this sort of ridicule and humiliation aimed at the parish's indigenous members...
Truth is though that this whole things isn't about the mistreatment of indigenous catholics. This is about the struggle by a few people to run a parish 'church' in a way they think it should be run and not the way the recognised authority (the church) chooses to run it. The indigenous thing is just a front.
You are not fit to call yourselves Catholics. You are just sick!!
Next Sunday stay at home - our Parish wont miss you and the problems that plague us would be gone forever!
Balance??? Written by Len De Lorenzo on 2007-03-26 19:09:08Gerry Prindiville, did you write the last comment?
Truth is that the Neocats are not the recognised authority or the church, and hopefully never will be.
Truth is that the Neocats have an unenviable history of sweeping aside the cultures and traditions of the parishes they invade.
Truth is that the Redfern Aboriginals are fed up with being treated as lepers.
Truth is the Neocats are a cult that prey on the weak and vulnerable.
I for one will not stay at home, but will keep coming until the Neocats that plague us are gone forever!
Sad reflection Written by Rhonda Ansiewicz on 2007-03-26 19:13:09This outburst is a sad reflection on the writer who extends no understanding to the pain and struggle of the community to live out their Christian beliefs. I have never used the Aboriginal people as a "front". They are and have been personal friends who I shared my life with. Unless people like " guest" begin to understand this there is no meeting place to communicate. No I will not stay away from my spiritual home and the celebration of the Eucharist for this is what we have been taught not by Fr Gerry but by Jesus himself ... "do this in memory of me". St Vincent's is my church and unlike "guest" I will contine a presence there and sign my name. Rhonda Ansiewicz
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Correction During a recent conversation between J...e and ano... Wonderful! What an immensely satisfying account. I write fro... Just for the record: Another chapter in the perversion of eucharist at ... Catholica discussion A few comments from the Catholica forum (http://ww...
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